Jorrow

Lauren, Olivia, Kaylee, Me, Julia and Madison

Jorrow: [jawr-oh] (n.) A combination of both joy and sorrow experienced simultaneously.

I just made up the above word and definition because it is really the only word that I can use to describe how I have been feeling lately. This afternoon I came home from Camp Eagle and I really do wish that I could say that it was the most exciting and joyful week of my life, but in all honestly it was a week full of Jorrow.

The week before camp I was praying and I felt that the Lord was telling me that Bethany, who is going to be taking over the middle school ministry next week when I leave, should be with the middle schoolers for camp. As soon as I felt the Lord say that, I selfishly pushed it to the back of my mind. I was confused... all that I had left with these middle schoolers, that I have been sharing my life with over the last two years, was this one week. How in the world could God ask me to sacrifice that? I told Him that if He really wanted me to step down from leadership with them at camp then He would have to tell someone else and have them bring it up. Fast forward a few hours and that night one of our parent volunteers, April, told us that she kept feeling like Bethany should be with the middle schoolers at camp. Right in that moment my heart sank... I felt like I was going to fall apart, throw up, go crazy all at the same time, but I knew deep in my heart and soul that this was the right thing and this is what would be best for our middle school girls in the midst of this transition. It was not fair to think only of myself in this. As much as I wanted to selfishly continue bonding with these girls I love so dearly I knew that in order to guard hearts and make everything easier for them it was best for them to begin trusting and bonding with Bethany before I leave.

I am not going to lie, it was extremely difficult for me to be at camp and away from them, but it was such a blessing to watch as Bethany and one of our wonderful high school student leaders, Victoria, stepped up to the plate and loved and cared for the girls just as much as if not better than I do. I realized that God is completely in control and I have to keep reminding myself that it is NOT all about me!! It is continually about HIM and who HE CHOOSES to use!!

Throughout this entire week I found myself with a lump in my throat as I constantly choked back tears.   I remembered the dreams that I had when I first came to Fort Hood: To develop meaningful friendships with middle schoolers, To develop a separate middle school ministry where students felt safe and could be themselves, To learn more about being obedient to the Lord, To have my faith refined, To become more confident in who God has called me to be, To step out in faith and take risks with kids and in ministry... Yesterday while at camp I looked around and as I watched the 17 middle school boys and 10 middle school girls running around constantly "secretly flirting" with one another I realized God DID IT!! All of those things I longed for when I got here have come to fruition... not because of anything I have done... if anything they have been accomplished despite my unfaithfulness and the ways that I constantly fall short, But it is in those weaknesses that He is Strong and it is despite those things that He chooses to Glorify Himself!! I am so extremely humbled as I see the way that God even this week worked in the lives of these middle schoolers.

Last night we had a worship night and I was able to steal away to a deck overlooking the river front. I was able to see thousands of stars in the darkness of the night and for the first time I actually allowed myself to grieve this loss. As I heaved and sang out to the Lord, two high school boys from Louisiana came over to me and asked if they could pray for me. I agreed. Those two boys 10 years younger than I am prayed a simple prayer over me that was tangibly FULL of power, and for the first time in a while I felt complete peace. I know this is exactly where I am supposed to be and that in the same way God has been faithful here at Fort Hood He will be faithful at Lackland!! He is Good all of the Time and All of the Time He is Good!!! His will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven!!!! AMEN!!

Following the Cloud

Back in 2008 I started a Blog about my journey to Iraq called Following the Cloud. In the Old Testament God guided the Israelites in the form of a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. In order to get where they were meant to be all the Israelites had to do was follow God's Cloud. It is the same for us today. It sounds so simple, but just like in the time of the Israelites the Cloud of God's presence is not predictable. There are times when He moves quickly and times when He has us wait... and wait... and wait.

I LONG to follow God! I LONG for His plan for my life and to be in His presence constantly in a way that I cannot express with words. I fall and I stumble and sometimes I don't understand God's will for my life. It is definitely an adventure following Him step by step. As I sit here reading my old blog I am able to rejoice in the faithfulness of the Lord in my past and the way that He guided me to Iraq and then guided me to Fort Hood. Even in my confusion or reluctance to follow, His plan has been perfect. Each move has been in His perfect time and for His perfect and Good purposes.

This last Friday, after much waiting, God finally began to move and revealed His next step in my life to me. After much prayer by many people and after many circumstances lining up perfectly, I was notified that as of this next month I will be leaving Fort Hood Texas in order to become the new Community Director of Youth Ministry at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, TX!!! I am scheduled to leave to Lackland right after I take our kids to camp during the first week of June. After which Bethany Carter will be taking over as the Director of Middle School ministry.


I cannot even describe the joy that I felt when I got this news. I have been praying for military families in San Antonio for the last three years and have always had a longing in my heart to someday minister there. It is humbling to know that God has called me to go and be His hands and feet in that community as I join Him in developing a Youth Ministry program there. It will continue to be an adventure following the cloud day by day and week by week as we start ministry from scratch. I cannot wait to see what God has planned!!

At the same time this has been one of the most difficult moves I have ever made. It is all happening so quickly and I am leaving so many people that I love very deeply. As I think about the last two and a half years I am overwhelmed by the ways that these students have blessed my life and how the Lord has used them to change Me!! I love these middle schoolers and high schoolers more than I can express and I deeply wish that I could continue to witness daily the way that God is shaping their hearts. I will just hold firm to the promise of God found in Phillippians 1:6 that He who began a good work in my middle school and high school friends here will continue to perfect them until the day of Christ Jesus!!

Please Join me in praying for: 
-The Fort Hood Ministry: 
-That this would be a smooth transition for our leaders and middle schoolers
- That the Lord would continue to strengthen our Fort Hood Community Director Steve Carter and his wife     Martie as they navigate this new season of ministry.
- That I would finish well over the next three weeks and would remain focused on the present.

The Lackland Ministry: 
-That the Lord would go ahead of me and already be preparing the hearts of Middle Schoolers, High Schoolers, Leaders, Chaplains, Community Members, School Administration, Command Group Members
-That I would draw near to the Lord and minister out of the overflow of my relationship with Him and not out of my own strength.

Friday Night at Middle School Club after my tearful announcement to my Middle School friends about my upcoming move. Ugggh I already miss them so much!!! 

I want more of YOU GOD!!!

I sit here listening to this song:  

This weekend I was in South Padre Island for our Young Life Regional Staff Retreat. At the end of such an eventful year it can be easy to get burned out and count down the days til the summer break. It can be draining being on the front lines of ministry spiritually battling daily for the souls of our kids. But having the privilege of retreating and having a prolonged time of rest and instruction with my Commander my Lord Jesus Christ is overwhelming. My soul was filled this weekend and I was reminded of the calling that God has placed on my life to be a witness to the things that He has done in my life and the lives of those around me. He has not called me to be perfect... thank goodness cause I am not. He has not called me to be the female Billy Graham or Corrie Ten Boom. He has called me to be Bekah and I need to rest in that reassurance that He loves me even when I fail or am tired. I feel like the last few months have been an emotional roller coaster. 


In December our Fort Hood team found out that our contract on Fort Hood to do ministry was going to change come May 31st. What that change was going to look like was still uncertain and how our lives and ability to do ministry were going to be affected was also unknown. I have struggled with trusting God to hold me and guide me even in the uncertainty. The only thing that He has told me as I beg Him for direction is "Dig In!" I immediately knew that I needed to press in with the middle schoolers and high school leaders that the Lord has placed in my path here at Fort Hood. I have been following the Lord and investing in them, teaching, encouraging and challenging them more than I have in the last two years. It is almost as if I feel an urgency to equip them with truth before this summer. I know that God has a reason behind telling me to do this and I trust that He has my friends in His hands and has mapped out every step of their future and will never leave or forsake them. I have been doing this all while struggling to trust God with my own future. 


This weekend in South Padre as I stood on the beach alone in the middle of the night, I watched as the waves continually crashed against my feet. As each wave crashed against my feet the sand continually got sucked out from beneath them and I slowly but surely began to lose my footing. I was reminded that the Lord must be my firm foundation. I must trust that He is in complete control. I must be standing on the truth of His word and promises even as each wave of uncertainty slams against my feet. I have come to realize that as God says "Dig In!" He is not just talking about in ministry. He means those words for me as well. I need to dig in and not be moved though the earth may give way. I need to trust that He will protect my feet and guide them one step at a time. He only reveals what is necessary!! Boy am I being trained in patience.


This week is a pivotal one in God revealing the future He has for me. 
I ask for you to PLEASE join me in prayer!! Pray that doors would be opened. That I would trust in God and cast my cares on Him. That His Will would be DONE on Earth as it is in Heaven. That I would desire His will for my life and not my own!! 


As soon as I know the next step You all will be the first to know!!! 

"He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, 

And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm." 

Psalm 40:2 

"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel Will neither slumber nor sleep." 

Psalm 121:1-4

Joy comes in the Morning

About a month ago, at our morning church service, our Chaplain had a goodbye ceremony for Abby with many of our students and parents present. I sat there wanting to cry and looked around as I saw both middle school and high school students with stone wall faces. Though they were completely stoic, it was obvious in their eyes how much they were hurting. I struggled inside and felt my old military kid mantra circulate in my mind “Bekah, you can’t cry it would be unfair of you to break down. That will cause everyone else to break down.” I heard another small voice say “It is okay to be sad. Be honest with yourself.” I would love to say that I then broke down, but I didn’t. I held it together...until out of the silence I heard sobbing from the back of the congregation. I looked back and saw Sally, one of our high schoolers with down syndrome running to the front of the congregation covered in tears with her nose running because of the sobbing. She ran up to Abby and embraced her in both love and sadness. I couldn’t help it. Seeing her being so vulnerable and honest and not even caring about the social rules she was breaking was amazing and moving. Seeing her honesty gave me permission to be honest and so I cried. At first I thought I was the only one that was moved, but as I sat there looking around through my tears I saw my middle school friends and my high school friends crying as well. Some of these students I have been friends with for two years and I have never seen them so unguarded. It was almost as if there was automatic intimacy between both the students and the leaders and together in our tears we were able to acknowledge our loss of a great friend. I realized that it was the honesty of Sally that had broken that barrier with the entire group. She didn’t even have to say anything. She just cried.

April Update

Some Highlights from the last few months:
-We took 40 students to Camp Eagle on a service project.

-Camp Eagle has an interim year spiritual discipleship program for 18-25 yr olds and they came to Fort Hood to learn about military ministry. It was fun introducing them to our students and families and opening their eyes to the blessings and trials that come with being a kid growing up in a military family.

-We said goodbye to one of our dear middle school ministry volunteers Abby Mayfield and were able to celebrate her going into Full Time Club Beyond Ministry in Ansbach Germany.

-We are starting a middle school discipleship Bible Study on Thursday nights which is EXTREMELY exciting!

-We have been working through stories in the Gospels with the middle schoolers and will begin teaching on Acts throughout the rest of this semester. I am excited about it. Acts is such a great book.

-Our highschool leadership team helped to plan all of the middle school clubs for the rest of the semester which was such a sweet thing to be a part of as I watched Juniors and Seniors getting so excited about ministering to their middle school friends. They are SUPER creative also which is a huge blessing for our middle schoolers. It seems like every club until the end of may is going to have completely interactive messages which our middle schoolers LOVE!

-We are currently working on getting all of our kids signed up for summer camp at Camp Eagle which is going to be happening during the first week of June.

Was the Forbidden Fruit Really Snickers?

In January we held our first all club Interactive Gospel Message. I don't think I have ever felt the presence of the Lord in the way that I did that night. Before every meeting we worship together as a leadership team and that day as we sat in a circle like we have many times before there was something different. The Spirit of the Lord was tangible and thick and throughout the entire night there was a cohesion and peace among our leaders and kids that I have never felt before. It was amazing!!

Our middle school friends entered the club room to find a makeshift Garden of Eden waiting for them with candy laden trees (the tree of the knowledge of good and evil had snickers or course... cause they are amazing!!), a serpent, the whole works. We talked about creation and some of our amazing student leaders acted out the fall after which our students were led out of the garden and into the hallway to learn about to consequences of sin, the wandering of the Israelites, and the law. They were then led back into a dark club room where they were blindfolded and separated from one another, signifying the spiritual blindness and separation that sin causes in our lives. As they sat there in the darkness our leaders were surrounding and scattered among them, acting out dialogue examples of the role sin may play in a middle schooler's life. They were then un-blindfolded and invited to think about the effect sin has had in their own lives and to record their sin on post it notes. We then shared the message of the cross and redemption and restoration that we have been offered through Jesus Christ. As soon as we stated "It is finished" two white boards at the front of the room that were covered in black sheeting were pulled apart to reveal a huge cross on the wall where the students were invited to once and for all lay their sin on the cross and give it to Jesus.

Throughout the whole process of planning this event it was obvious that the Lord was working. Our entire leadership team Martie, Steve, Abby, Victoria, Matt, Sean, Scott C., Amy, Derek, Dave, and Scott M. participated in the execution or planning. It was amazing to watch us all work so well together and bring us closer as a team. It was also such a blessing to watch our students hear about the hope that we have in Jesus. There is no blessing greater than watching a 7th grade girl's eyes well up with tears of hope as she hears that The Lord loves her enough to have sent His only Son to die and receive the consequences of her sin so that she could have eternal life with Him forever!!!! This is what it is all about!!